I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
