I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
