I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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