Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
