I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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