Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
