its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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