I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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