i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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