I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
