I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
