don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
