ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
