Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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