You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
