Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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