I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
