You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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