THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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