Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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