put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I touched a dick in church today
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
