I've blown a few things in my day
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
