That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
