I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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