he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
