What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
