Swine flu. Run for my life!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
