At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize