I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
