If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
