He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need to sanitize my soul.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
