i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
