do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize