Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
