Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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