Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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