I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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