i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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