I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
