I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
