I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize