I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
