THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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