I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
