so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
