I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
