You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can you bring me the toilet please
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
