I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
