Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
