after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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