She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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