I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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