How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
