i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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