So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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