Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
false alarm. still invincible.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
