At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
