ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
