so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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