I think i peed on brittanys purse
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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