I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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