Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
