I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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