i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
