Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize