Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
