a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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