Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
