he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
