there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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