I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
